I work for the government. But I am not a government worker.
There’s a difference.
I am a student. That isn’t to say that student’s can’t be government workers, but there seems (in my observations) to be a special breed of them that take to the job, while the rest of us just do it for the money, until something better comes along.
Those students seem all too content to work at their nice little box of a job, in their nice little box of a cubicle in their nice little box of a department. Everything is neatly divided into divisions, directorates, sections and groups.
That’s all well and good, and I would never begrudge someone their employment (they’re working after all) but to me, there seems to be something wrong with people in their early 20’s being content with this life. A good pension shouldn’t come before happiness.
I see employment with the government as the means to an end. A way to get a bit of money saved so I can be a starving filmmaker later on in life. I also see it as a place for people who don’t know what to do with their lives. I see it as a safe place, where people with families can have job security and benefits.
I certainly don’t see it as the end. The place where you want to end up.
I have been working with a certain department for over a year now, and it’s been slowly getting me down, more and more, the longer I stay. And until last night I was unable to put a finger on what exactly was getting to me. Then I realized that it was the complete and utter lack of anything that is mine.
Throughout school every piece of work I’ve done has been mine. I have had a sense of ownership over it. If it turned out well, it was my success. If it turned out poorly, my failure. Even when my profs would absolutely tear a piece apart, in the end it was still my words and my work.
Working for the government does not allow you to have ownership over anything. Not your own work, not even your own ideas. Everything is reviewed, edited, re-written, sent up the chain of command, approved, sent back, and picked apart again. And in the end, it all belongs to some deputy minister anyway.
Even in my crappy retail jobs (of which I had many) I had ownership over what I did. When someone asked me a question, the answer was still mine. I didn’t have to get it approved by higher management.
I’m switching jobs soon. Still within the government, but I am sincerely hopeful that the department that I am moving to will be a little more free-flowing. I think it will be, and I can’t wait.
My brain needs to breathe, people.
I am going to college next year. (Yes, this fact is just sinking in now).
